The Cashier

I want it all, so “be prepared, when I call”,

Then I awakened from my nightmare, and a voice said, “look at the wall”.

I looked, and I be damned, it was a clock 8 feet high,

The voice said, “you’re inside, my son or it would reach the sky”.

I already knew the voice was my dad (God, to everyone else) and this is how He gets His kicks,

With these “nightmarish tricks”.

I wake up all covered in sweat,

My linen is soaked, my body’s all wet.

I scream, “LEAVE ME ALONE”,

He says, are you ready to come home?

I said, “No”,

He said good, because I’m not about to let you go.

Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what you got for me this time,

He said, you need to make up your mind.

Mr. Letterman, I see you with the riddles and jokes,

You making me wanna go have a smoke.

He says, you don’t smoke,

Someone’s not fun-E, you don’t know how to tell a joke.

Dad said, take a good look at that clock on the wall,

I looked and the clock’s face was mine, with the words “You’re About To Fall”.

I told my dad, I said, “yo dude, what’s going on here”,

He said, “Listen Up With Both Ears”.

I’m The Cashier and you’re the check,

“I’m Here To Collect”.

Okay, so what exactly do I have to do,

He said, before the day is over, I’ll be coming back to you.

That was 6am this morning and sure enough, He came back,

And He had this big ass stack.

It was a stack of paper 3 feet high,

I told Him, I’m not gonna even begin to try,

Because, I know my dad, and He’s forever playing these games,

Trying to drive me completely insane.

He said, these are the things I need for you to do,

I said dad, I’ll get at it, but I’m telling you now, I’ll only be able to do a few.

He said, “I know, but I need to keep that beady little mind of yours occupied,

Or for sure, you will definitely fry.

Meaning, exactly what?,

He said, don’t do it, you’ll find out, and I’m gonna kick something and it won’t be your butt.

I said, Aaaaahhhh shit,

I’m on my dad’s list.

He said, “don’t worry, I’m going to keep you alive, you owe a considerable debt”,

Before you come home, I’m going to collect.

I said, “Okay, whatever”,

He said, that’s rite Mini-Me, you and I will be with each other forever.

So planet Earth, you all better get prepared, because this dude about to throw down some serious shit,

Believe when I say, I’ve seen Him conduct “hundreds of surgical strikes simultaneously, worldwide”, and He doesn’t ever miss.

I know exactly what I’m gonna do concerning my dad, because I’m the check,

Before I go home, He’s gonna get His payment in full, that you can bet.

My dad is coming for “EVERYONE”,

Even me, His only begotten knucklehead son.

Listen to me, I need to say this loud and clear,

Clean the wax out of both your ears.

The entire planet, individually are the checks,

Payment is due…

“He’s Here To Collect”

Alvin Mann