Happy New Year 2024

Happy New Year dad!

Rose, my darling daughter and her two bundles of joy. What it is?

Father has some very good news for you. Want to hear it?

Hmmm, when Big Head Kahuna has some “very good news for me” and He sends you to deliver the message, a voice goes off in my head and it says, “Shit About To Hit The Fan, You Better Duck”.

Dad, why do you have to always be like this? You are aware, Father is listening to every word you say.

One, I’m a Frank Sinatra fan and I’m gonna do it my way. And two, Big Head Kahuna always listening to every word I say, every move I make, saying “I’ll Be Watching You”. Peeping Father. He needs to go find someone else to harass on a 24 hour basis. There’s got to be someone out there who gives Him more trouble than me.

You heard that, didn’t you?

Dad was just playing, because I know I’ll never always be at the top of His list.

You heard that, didn’t you?

I did, and I never bet with dad, because since He’s God, He’ll never lose. Think I’ll save my money this time.

So do you want to hear what Father has in store for you or not?

O-Kee-Dokey! Hit me, my arms are open wide.

Dad, Father has a bag full of money for you. What do you have to say?

Mucho Gracias Mr. Molasses, about damn time.

Dad, why do you always have to be that way with Father? You know He loves all His children exactly the same.

Yes, He does. But, I’m the only one He ALWAYS THROWS THE WORST BULLSHIT TO. “ALWAYS”.

Well, the three of us already know why, but enlighten the audience.

Well audience of Lilly Pollyanna Galleria, my dad, God, “knows I’m full of shit and not going to change, so He has decided to always throw extra shit on my plate to keep me busy”. He also knows, given what He’s taught me, I can do anything. ANYTHING I WANT. So planet earth, be a good idea to walk softly around me and not venture too close. You’ve only been aware of my existence for a very short time, less than two years. Guess what I’ve been up to 50 plus years prior to that? You better ease up off me. We’re a Global Organization. 6001 Strong! My Father has assigned to me a certain amount of missions to complete. So far, I’ve never failed. “NEVER”. I am aware there’s always a first time. No problem. My Father will just have someone else fulfill His prophecies, which are many and only He is aware what they all are. So all of you out there who think this is just nonsense, a few of you, in high positions know it’s not. You’ve verified a few things already that only God can accomplish and I’ve informed some of a minute portion of “His Master Plans” to you. I’ve only informed you what he’s instructed me to pass on. You want to learn more, ask him yourselves. The same things He tells me, is the same thing He’ll tell you. (If you ask and are sincere in your inquiry.) Now go put that in your self-righteous pipe and smoke it.

Dad, why do you have to be like this, all the time?

What the hell you talking about? I’m an old man, 63 and a half years to be exact. I’ve earned the right to do as I please “ALL THE TIME”. And when you get back upstairs, tell that Big Head Guy, He better be careful, I just may decide to “stage a coup”. That’s rite “Daughter Dearest”, out with the dad and in with me. How that sound?

Dad, Father says, He’s really enjoying your performance today and so far you’ve gotten an A+.

About damn time, because I’ve been working on this for a while. What category, drama?

Comedy.

Wait a minute…

Dad, you were fine until you started talking about staging a coup. I mean, you really need to stop doing drugs or whatever it is that makes you say things like that.

Rose, you and dad know damn well I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs.

Well, what’s the problem?

Ask The Grand Poobah. He all the time changing the script on me and tripping me up. You know, He just might do it again real soon.

What do you…

Stop rite there. You know damn well, He up to something. I woke up in the middle of the night awakened by this overwhelming stench. I smelt something and it sure as hell wasn’t me.

So what are you saying?

I’ve done already said it. Dad up to something and He alerted me last night. He didn’t tell me what it was, but it definitely was “straight up bullshit” headed directly my way. I tried to duck, that’s when I woke up and dad grinning at me, talking about, “Hi son, have a nice dream?” Then poof, He was gone.

So what you think Father has planned for you?

Don’t Know, Don’t Care. Mr. Know-It-All tells me everything I don’t want to hear and when He decides to give me a direct answer, it’s always a threat. Asking me, which body part am I willing to do without? I’m like dad, I’m your son. Guess what He told me? Guess?

He said, I have many children and I treat them all exactly the same, but you’re the only one I have allowed, so far, to get away with so much. It’s because “Mini-Me”, you’re an outstanding entertainer and you always put on an Academy Award performance.

Yep, those were His exact words. So what do you think?

Dad, you need to count your blessings. Anyone else, Father would have put them in I.C.U. at least a couple of hundred times for all the mischief you get into.

Much bullshit dad always put on my plate, and it’s constant, He need to be happy that’s all I’ve done.

Excuse me?

“Dad, I was just Play-N”.

Okay, that’s better. Father tells everyone that you’re the best performer He’s ever had.

Well, my sole purpose for existing is keeping His Royal Highness in stitches.

Yes, and He tells everyone you keep Him laughing all the time. God is really not hard to understand and loves all His children exactly the same. No matter the race, creed, color, sex, sexual orientation, social status, monetary status or heritage. We all came from one man and one woman. We’re all family and need to get along. But since too many people have decided to rock the boat, take what’s not theirs, create unequal laws and pervert the word of God, He has decided there’s going to be a new Sheriff in town, okay for the entire planet. That’s you dad.

Well desperada (I just made this word up, it’s opposite of desperado) I guess I’ll just have to rustle up me some grub because dad’s got me traveling over the entire planet. O-Kee-Dokey Smokey, I guess I’ll deputize you so you can help a father out with these no good sons and daughters of a gun.

Cool dad, I’m all in.

Let’s go see what my Artists In Residence are up to. They’re been awful quiet.

So, what do you think dad?

I think, I’m gonna have me some inspiration later today on what I was planning on painting. Who are all those peeps floating in the ocean?

People you have caught.

Hmmm, well I am a good fisherman.

Yes dad, Father has a lot of your fish safely in their mansions upstairs. Yours is patiently awaiting your arrival.

That’s a very good word daughter of mine. Patiently. Because I’m not in a real hurry to get back up there. Dad all the time changing the script on me, talking about, He don’t want me to get too comfortable down here. That it’s just temporary, like I don’t already know that. Do something for me Rose dear.

Speak freak!

You know what I’m about to ask you and have decided to push my buttons, correct?

That’s rite dude!

Check it out. When you get back upstairs put in a good word with The Big Guy and let Him know, I’ll attempt to walk a straight line (as much as possible, no promises), because I’m beginning to get the hang of things down here and would like a little bit more time.

You heard that, didn’t you?

Dad knows I never hold my breath and especially with Him.

Father says, to finish that painting you’ve been working on and all types of money will be coming your way.

No shit?

Yeah, Father says, that’s what you’re full of, but let’s not go there right now. He wants you to “GET ON THE BALL”.

Hmmm, capitalization and quotation marks. Sounds serious.

Serious as a “CARDIAC ARREST”. That came from Father.

Yes Rose, I know Mr. Molasses slow about everything except for causing me all types of bodily harm.

He only does it out of love dad.

Yeah, that’s the same bullshit He been telling me for centuries, talking about “Love Hurts”. I had to tell Him one time, how about loving me less for a change. Guess what His response was? Guess?

He only increased the pain, torture and torment.

Yep. Guess what he said when I asked Him why? Guess?

He said, because you deserved it.

Yep. You believe that shit?

(Silence!)

You know Rose, I’m getting a bit tired you always taking His side against me.

I’m not against you dad. Besides Father is always right.

Okay, whatever. When I finish this painting, I’ll be expecting a miracle and it better be “instantaneous”.

Dad, Father enjoys your enthusiasm but says, you need to tone it down a notch or two.

I’ll think about it.

He said, He’ll think about all that money you could have had.

“DAD, I WAS JUST PLAY-N”.

All caps and quotation marks. You know Father is serious don’t you?

Yeah. Dad need to calm down. He know I just be bullshiting.

Yes, He knows. Just don’t take it too far and you’ll get to keep all your body parts…for now. Also, that money is enroute and He says, don’t spend it all in one place.

Tell Uncle Jed, I said He can stop by and take a dip in my cement pond anytime He wants to. Except when Ellie Mae is there, she likes to skinny dip.

Okay kids let’s go. Grandad’s got work to do.

Okay you two, don’t squeeze so hard. Rose, what you be feeding these young-ins, because they have quite a grip?

That’s Father’s love. He says, you need a lot of love.

Okay, I’ll accept that. Also, tell Him “Money Can’t Buy Me Love”, but I got bills to pay, so hook a brother up. Today would be nice.

He said 10-4 good buddy.

Bye Rose, Alice and Alberto.

Bye dad!

Alvin Mann