Feliz Navidad

So, my son appears he wants to say a few things about Christmas in his own way. Hmmm, okay, he can say a few words, however, don't believe too much. He gets a tad bit dramatic, besides being a bit “Tutti Fruitti”. My son really is alright, when he wants to be, which isn't often. I'm going to allow him to do a few paintings in the upcoming weeks, maybe. He's going to have to get on the ball though. Okay, Mini-Me, let's not get carried away.

Riddle Time: Christmas is only celebrated, once a year, “why is that”?

Answer at the bottom of this post. Be patient, read the entire post. My son has a story to tell.

Revelations

Dad, Merry Christmas!

Guess what Big Head Kahuna told me?

You weren't on His list. Correction, His good list.

Yep, you believe that shit?

(Silence!)

Rose, you supposed to have my back when Dad looking at my bucket list. I don't want much.

Dad, being God for a day is, “NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN”.

Don't count on it, Dad slowing down in His old age. He gonna one day kick the bucket and I'm the one gonna fill them big azz shoes. Dat's rite you 'lil whipper snapper”. Gonna be a new Sheriff in town and everyone gonna walk a straight line.

Dad?

What?

What you been smoking, or drinking or snorting?

You and Big Kahuna know damn well I always pass each and every drug test, all the time, so quit playing with me.

Well dad, the way you act, you don't need any type of extra stimulates.

The hell with that, why come you not hanging with Dad on His worldwide tour? Today's Christmas.

He told me to keep you out of trouble.

“Bullshit”. Dad know I'm…

Stop dad, Father already told me what's on your mind, heart and soul, so let's not go there.

Rose, He created me, not the other way around.

I'm aware of that, dear dad.

Well?

Well what?

Why come He don't cut me some slack?

Because dad, you still want to dethrone Him, which is “NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN”. And, you not putting forth the effort Father wants you to.

Dad all the time setting me up. Watch, soon as I get on solid ground, that Dude gonna be throwing all type of shit my way. “You know it's true”, that's why you grinning from ear to ear.

Dad, you know damn well if I wasn't down here hanging out with you today, you'd be into all type of mischief.

Look, Dad…

Dad, let's not go there please.

Why not?

Father getting ready to make your cup, “OVERFLOW”.

Hmmm, all cap. Dad really gonna hook me up? No bullshit, Lil Violet? Because, you just like…

Dad, don't go there. You know I'm more like you than mom, so chill please.

O-Kee-Dokey, Lil Alvin!

Thanks dad.

For what?

Calling me Lil Alvin, I really appreciate that.

Well, I always knew you were more like me than your crazy azz mother. I'm always glad when you come and hang out with a big dawg. You needs to drop by more often. I need to loosen up them stiff feathers of yours. Mr. Perfect all the time with them damn rules and regulations. Just wait, when I hit them pearly gates, it's gonna be all over.

Dad?

What?

Are you ever going to change?

I change every damn day. I age better, get more refined and the pure essence of me permeates throughout the universe, that Dad and I pass each other, when we go to our predestined locations to wherever the hell we be off to, on any given day and time.

Dad, do you ever wind down?

No, and if you want to know why, ask that Big Head Guy upstairs. Always playing games, but just wait when He and I rotate. I'm gonna have a blast deprogramming you.

So dad, Father says you going to be getting married.

Yeah, well, I hope not too soon.

No dad, not too soon. So how you feel about it?

Shotgun weddings not really my cup of tea, but I like breathing unassisted, so I've decided to go with the flow and walk a straight line.

You know Father only doing this for your own good.

Yes, I know.

Really?

Yes, you know it too. My peeps upstairs definitely know. They all the time talking about I should be ashamed of myself.

So dad, why aren't you?

Ask our Father who art in heaven, and Egypt and Thailand and Timbuktu. He preprogrammed me this way, so when I give in to temptation, He pops rite up, be talking about, “what's going on”? I had to tell Him one time, well Marvin Gaye…

He told me about that and after you woke up…

I had the biggest knots on both sides of my head, face and bruises all over my body.

So what you tell Father, after you woke up?

Nothing.

Why…

Rose, you know damn well, my mouth was swollen and I could barely swallow or breathe.

Father told me He talked to you for about 8…

10-1/2 hours Rose. Then He “Sha-Zammed” me back to normal.

Bet you didn't do that again.

I didn't, but Dad did. He all the time be playing games with me.

“Love Hurts?”

Yep, He all the time be telling me that.

He says, you deserve more, but since you such a good comedian, He cut you a lot of slack.

Yeah rite. Many jokes I tell Dad, He need to give me a walk all the time.

Dad?

What?

We all know Father will, “FOREVER CUT YOU SOME SLACK”.

No shit?

Yep, but sorry to bust your bubble dad, the three of us know, “you always up to something”.

Oh, so Dad preprogrammed me to be this way and I'm supposed to feel bad when I occasionally…

Dad, it's more than occasionally, so let's not go there.

And?

Father says, you need to, “START SETTING A BETTER EXAMPLE”.

So, that's the real reason you hanging out with me today.

You're my father.

That's rite Ms Kahuna Wannabe.

Dad, Father says, you better step up!

Okay.

For real?

Yep.

Why?

Because, it's time. Daylight burning and Dad about to do some serious shit, and you know it. No, He didn't tell me anything, but I been working with that Dude for too long. I keep smelling something and it sure as hell aint me.

Dad, why all the time you think Father up to something?

Because, “He is”. You and I both know He all the time be tripping me up on purpose.

Father says, He just trying to keep you walking a straight line.

Sure, and you believe Him?

Is that a question?

“Do you believe Dad when He says things like that about the person who brought you into this world?”

Dad, you were only part of the equation, so let's get real.

Okay.

That's all you have to say dad?

Yeah, you know I just like bullshiting.

Yes dad, it's all good, but Father going to always be watching you…

And you too Miss Secret Agent Surveillance Lady.

Well dad, you do tend to veer too far outside the circle.

Really, I believe it's too…

Dad, Father says, “DON'T GET LOST”.

10-4 good buddy.

So what you got planned for the rest of the night, dad?

Hmmm, I'll think of something.

Dad?

Yes?

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord, my soul to keep.

If I should die, before I wake,

I pray the Lord, my soul to take.

So what you trying to tell me, Lil Violet?

“WE BOTH KNOW”.

Okay Rose. I'll be cool and make every attempt to do better each and every passing moment.

Thanks dad, but Father don't believe you. We all know, you a good actor…

Best on the planet.

Yes dad, you are.

Damn straight rookie!

So dad, getting ready to bust a move.

Been fun bullshiting with you, Lil Alvin!

O-Kee-Dokey Smokey.

Later Alligator.

Afterwhile Crocodile Dad-E!

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Hmmm, my son really is coming along quite remarkably, which doesn't mean much. He'll do a flip mode in half a heartbeat and will be involved in and with all types of shenanigans. (That's a subtle hint). I do believe I may cut him a little slack, sometime in the not too near future. But not much, he did turn his back on me once. “I'LL NEVER LET HIM FORGET IT, AND HE KNOWS IT”. But other than that, he's being a good little knucklehead son. Now, for the rest of you gym shoe creepers, you better start getting your house in order. Their's way too many people on the planet. Ready or not…

“HERE I COME”…AGAIN!

Your Father

God

Answer to the riddle: The true definition of Christmas is Christ (Jesus Christ) and mas (more in Spanish). More Christ, which should be done, celebrated every day. And, I do not mean giving and/or receiving of gifts. You humans have a lot to learn. My son, Mr. Chuckles going to get around to that real soon. Remember, to get to heaven, you must learn to count to seven.