Blog Post Nine

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Kiss baby Jesus goodnite!

Revelations

Dad!

Yes, Rose! How are you doing?

Oh, I'm doing fantastic, but apparently you're not.

What's that…

Look dad, I'm gonna cut right to the chase.

Please, go rite ahead Lil Grasshopper.

Our Father wants to know, right now and don't beat around the bush, “what's going on?”

Does this have anything to do with The Lord's Prayer?

Oh, you pretty smart tonight. Yes, this has everything to do with that. But of course, you already knew that. Didn't you?

Look, I was just…

Dad, I know exactly what you were doing, but you shouldn't have done it.

It was just a…

Joke? Please don't tell me that's all it was. I know better. So why'd you really do it. Our Father's listening.

Of course, He's listening. And of course, He already knows. So why bother?

Dad, I'd like to enlighten you on something.

Please, go rite ahead.

This is concerning your relationship with Father.

I have a great relationship with Dad.

Guess what?

Speak Lil Grasshopper, talk to the old dawg, dear ole dad! Tell me something good.

Our Father said, “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli”.

It was just a joke…

In poor taste. Dad, why'd you do it. Really?

For real?

We're waiting!

Well, as you both know I've been struggling, trying to get my groove back and…

Dad, stop it! You playing games. Our Father says, starting this very second, you've got 24 hours. Clock is ticking, daylight burning & the gun is fully loaded.

Anyone I know?

Oh, I'm sure it'll be someone you know, but you won't have time to respond. It'll come too quick. Here's the scenario.

Go ahead Mario Puzo!

You'll be in a restaurant, someone (a waitress) will place a bowl of Cannoli (that you didn't order) on the table, and immediately someone else will walk up and cap a round in you, .22 caliber in the side of your dome. Got it so far?

Very intriguing.

Oh it gets better. I stand up to get everyone's attention and place my hand (like a gun shape) to my head and motion with my finger, like I'm pulling the trigger. I then place my other hand to my mouth, one finger pointing upwards, like a be quiet motion. You with me so far?

How is it you're in the restaurant, in the flesh, but you're in heaven?

Our Father allows anyone, at His discretion, to venture into the world on “special assignments”.

Oh really?

My Father can do anything. Top that.

Okay, smart ass, continue.

Thank you dad!

You're not really creative, but, I see where you're going. You won't be winning any awards for originality, but continue.

So the manager is gonna rush to the back and destroy the surveillance tapes, most customers gonna leave (without paying) and the ones that remain already know what they're gonna say. Guess what that is?

They didn't see anything, it happened too fast.

They didn't see anything, it happened too fast. Dad, you pretty good tonight, but you should've thought of this before tonight. But, let me continue, because your time is limited. Literally!

Please Rose, continue, I'm on the edge of my seat.

Dad, all this time, the shooter is still standing there. She's looking at you, sitting in the chair with your head on the table. She walks up, takes a pulse reading, (on your neck) looks at me and says, “he still has a pulse and it's strong.” I already knew that, because Father set this up, and He's the director of this script. So while you're talking crazy, just remember, you drew first blood.

Yeah, whatever. Continue.

Well, I tell the shooter a.k.a. Calamity Jane to…

“Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli”.

Dad, you are one smart cookie tonight. But really, you should've thought about this beforehand.

It was just a…

Dad, jokes can get you killed. Our Father's not gonna kill you, far from it. But let me finish.

Please, carry on.

I tell Sharp-Eye Jane to, “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli”, and she promptly does so. Elegantly. There is no rushing, no panic. She's cool as a cucumber.

So what happens to me…

Glad you asked. Our Father has you in one of the best 24hr around the clock facilities in the country. You're very well taken care of, where you waste away for the next 30 years.

Rose, I'm 62 now.

I know how old you are dad. Here's the kicker.

Go ahead, kick me.

This entire time, you are completely coherent, you just can't move, talk or communicate. You're wide awake like a normal person at times, you sleep, but your eyes remain closed. Your heart, lungs, liver and everything works perfectly. Your brain however, is working overtime. You keep saying the same thing, over and over again. Guess what that is, dad?

It was just a joke…

That's right dad, it was just a joke.

So can you talk to the big guy for me? For old times sake? Remember, I brought you into this world.

Actually dad, you were only part of the equation. But that's a whole 'nother story.

So there's nothing you can do for me?

Dad!

Yes Rose?

Our Father expects more from you than most…

But, I…

Yes dad, I know you do good works and have a good heart and do onto others as they do onto you.

So que pasa? What's going on? What's up with all the threats and…

Dad, these are not threats or innuendos. This is the real deal. So this is how you get out of this…

Wait a minute, stop the press. I thought you told me this was a done deal.

No dad, I didn't. You talk too much. Go back over the script and re-read. You need to slow yo role dude.

Rose?

Yes dad?

Thanks for having my back and talking to the big guy for me. So what's He doing now?

Dad, He's laughing. And I mean, all of heaven is in an uproar about this.

Oh really?

Dad, our Father thought about this a while ago, but He didn't think He'd have to resort to such tactics.

Well, He still…

Don't have to? Dear ole dad, T.L.T.L. Guess what Father just said?

Ha, ha!

Dad, you really on the ball tonight, but it appears you learned your lesson a tad bit too late. Father says you've got until 22:45:00 on 19 August 2022. That's 10:45pm, but of course, you know that already. He's giving you a few extra minutes, so use your time wisely. Of course, I'll be with you every step of the way, assisting in any way I can.

So what's He doing now?

Just listening to you, trying to wiggle your way out. He said, “not this time”.

“Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli”, I'm thinking!

Dad, those are His words, not mine.

So you think He serious?

I wouldn't test Him.

I'm not going to.

Good. Dad, tell the truth. You know what really set Father off. What was it?

“Kiss baby Jesus goodnite.”

“Kiss baby Jesus goodnite.” You know, you batting a thousand tonight, but once again…

T.L.T.L.

Yes dad, ‘too little, too late.’ So I guess we got a long night ahead of us, don't we?

What's up with this we stuff?

Dad?

Yes, Lil Grasshopper?

There's no way I'm going to let you do this on your own. I'm going to assist my Dad!

Really?

Yes dad, you're the greatest. And you know, I'm a chip off the old block.

Cool, the Dynamic Duo. Batman & Robinette.

Cool. Nite Batman!

Nite Robinette!

Back to our regularly scheduled program

So what could possibly be the moral of this story?

Look before you leap, but most definitely 'Think before you speak”. In this instant age we live in, words can have an immediate effect on a global scale. Facebook, Tic Tok, YouTube, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram just to name a few, are ways in which communication reverberates across the stratosphere. Often in negative ways.

Think about that and ponder for a moment before you hit that send button. Make a draft and go back later, especially in the heat of the moment. It can keep you out of hot water in the long run.

That scenario about the Lord's Prayer and baby Jesus is not what got me in hot water with “The Man Upstairs”. It was much, much worse, but I'm not gonna tell you. “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli” and everything else, that was real. I'm just not gonna tell you what I did, but really, I did step over the line. So I've been given a reprieve, somewhat. My daughter gonna help an old dawg who's gotten himself into the dawg house with Mr. Omnipotent Himself, The Big Kahuna. You guys know Him as God, to me he's Mr. Know-It-All. Got an answer for everything. Always with the rules and regulations. “Always”. A real spoil-sport.

Anyways, gotta go. The Big Kahuna is waiting and He's got me on a timer. See you all in the Galleria. Lilly Pollyanna Galleria. I'll have a few things in store. Someone (not gonna mention any names) got a fire under me. Yep, He lit me up.

Ciao!

Alvin Mann