Blog Post Thirteen

There is a time and a place for everything. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to work and a time to play. A time to gather and a time to refrain from others. A time to pray and a time to go to the house of worship and hear the word. A time to eat and a time to take a …

Revelations

Dad what's going on?

Rose, you interrupted my introduction.

Good thing I did. Father says, He's not in the mood for your shenanigans.

Bullshit! Dad always in the mood for anything I do. He just tell everybody else that because He don't want them hating on me. Ask Him, He'll tell you.

Dad!

Yes, Rose!

I asked Father and guess what He said?

I don't care what He said. Just remember that He created me.

He's aware of that.

Well then, He needs to cut me some slack. He's perfect and Jesus the perfect example and Adam pulling up 3rd. I'm next in line and everybody always looking at me to step up. Guess what?

Go ahead dad, something tells me you about to get a load off your chest. Be careful, because Father warned me this was coming. He said, speak your peace, but be respectful. Understood?

Yes Rose, understood. I can roll with that.

Okay dad, speak. You have the floor.

I've come to the conclusion I don't wanna play this game anymore.

Wait a minute…

Step back rookie, big dawg in the house.

Okay dad, but Father's sitting in on this one.

Good, I hope He got a front row seat, because it concerns Him.

Go ahead dad.

I'm gonna go ahead and continue down here, but I'm gonna put a twist to it. I'm not Dad and I'm not Jesus, so there will be no wannabe God or Jesus coming from me. I'm going to always do the best I can in everything I do. When I finish down here and get upstairs, dad gonna get “dethroned”. I'm gonna become the new Big Kahuna, and He gonna have to come down here and then, we all gonna see how He feels.

Only thing is, when I get up there, I'm gonna make me some “pit stops” here on planet Earth. Yep, six times a year (that's every other month) I'm gonna come down to this planet, human form of course, and have me a good ole time. Gonna locate me some women and instantly, without saying a word, they going to take my hand and we gonna go handle our business.

Dad?

Be quiet and listen to the story, you just might learn something.

In a 24 hour time span, I'm gonna go through 18 women. You heard me rookie! And I'm gonna take my time. I'm God in human form, but I have superhuman strength, stamina and virility. That's rite, I'm a God Stud. From the 1st time, each of them laid eyes on me, they were hooked. This is not every woman, just a select few. All of this was preplanned before I left heaven. All them super power heroes don't have shit on the powers of God. The Big Kahuna wanna stay upstairs all the time and be pure, so be it. “If He likes it, I love it”. When I get them super powers (and I will) “The Godfather gonna play his role to a T”.

And all these women for the rest of their short lives, because compared to the life of God, everyone's life is short, they will forever be faithful. They all gonna live in mansions, with humongous backyards for our kids to play in. All their relatives gonna be wondering about them, wondering about their social life and are they dating anyone. They all gonna give the same answer, guess what it is?

“They saving themselves for God!”

That would be me, after of course, I dethrone You-Know-Who. Dad wanna be Mr. Straight-Laced, fine. When I step in them shoes, gonna be a whole new ballgame. I don't wanna change everything overnite, but in 3 years Earth gonna be cleaned up. The Big Kahuna could've cleaned this up a long time ago, but no, He be ego tripping. All the time with them damn rules and regulations. Talking about trust in God and this is what happens when you don't follow the rules. I'm gonna change all that when I get in. Someone don't follow my rules, I'm not gonna start no floods, car pile ups or wars. No, they just gonna disappear, go sleeping with the fishes. After enough people keep floating up on the beaches, peeps gonna fall in line. The hell with all this praising God bullshit. Don't listen to me, you gonna be sleeping with the fishes.

Rose, I had a dream last night, wanna hear it?

Okay dad, go ahead!

It's about this big head guy named Kahuna and he went to this restaurant, waitress set a bowl of Cannoli on the table that he didn't order…

Dad, let's not go there…

Oh, when I get set up by my own daughter, I supposed to forget that? Big Head Kahuna's day coming real soon. And you best watch yo step too Missy. One other thing, if He can dish it, He shouldn't have any problem taking it.

Dad, Father's really enjoying this. First time I've seen Him eat popcorn or anything for that matter. He's never eaten.

Damn straight. What that tell you?

Monday night at the movies?

Well, it's Monday and it's nighttime. But, you have to admit, I put on a good show.

Yes, dad. We got you up on this 6,000 foot screen. All of heaven is watching!

Good, they also might learn something. Let me finish the story.

Please dad, continue.

When I have all these babies, the DNA will be something everyone will know is not human. It will be, a one of a kind DNA, thought to have been impossible to occur, but of course, God (that'd be me) can make anything possible. The medical field will be flummoxed. A unique DNA source. God is unique and awesome. All my children gonna be a 10 out of 10, none of that mediocre shit. When they growing up and wanna know what I do for a living, I'm gonna tell them the truth.

Dad, what you going to tell them?

Well Rose dear, I'm gonna tell them I'm head of The Family and that earth is that family. And they gonna know it's true, because I will never, ever have a problem with anyone. Ever! God don't have problems with people, people have problems with God. That's not God's problem, that's the individual’s problem. They will have to deal with it and suck it up or feel the wrath of God. (That'll be me) If that individual doesn't turn around and act right and fly straight, they gonna be in a world of pain. You know why, don't you Rose?

Yes dad, because “Love Hurts”.

Yep, that's what the big guy always tells me. Show's over! What do you think?

Dad, Father wants to know what you been smoking?

You both know damn well, I don't smoke, drink or do drugs, so quit playing with me.

Father said, He can recommend a good psychiatrist…

Bullshit! Dad the best psychiatrist ever.

So what's the problem dad?

Dad driving me crazy with all these rules and regulations. He never cuts me no slack. “NEVER”. And I'm tired, so He better be prepared when I get up there. Keep talking crazy and I'll have you down here, again. If you can do “special assignments” for Him, with your “restaurant hits” you can do it for me. Sound like a winner?

Dad, it sounds like you done lost your mind.

Actually, I've found it.

Dad has His script, I have mine. He wanna play games, fine. He'll get His turn as “being man” since He wanna play”Big Shot”. Don't worry, He'll be number one down here. You listening?

Yes dad, Father is on the edge of His seat and appears to be very attentive with your story.

Good, I'm a good storyteller and I learned from the best. Guess who that is?

Father agrees with you on the part of Him being a good storyteller and the best, but your fantasy is not going to happen.

Wait and see.

Anything else you want to add, dad?

That's it... for now!

You feel better now, dad?

Yes, I really do!

So Father says, you were very entertaining today and actually, surprised Him. Didn't expect such a performance.

Bullshit! Nothing surprises dad, but He better watch that big ass clock He got on the wall. That's His clock, it's on a countdown timer. When I get up there, He comes down here. It's called the “changing of the guard”.

Dad?

Yes, Rose?

Father is amazed at your creativity and you get an A+ for effort.

Tell dad, flattery will get Him nowhere, but if He wants to suck up, go rite ahead.

Father said, the show’s over, get back to work.

See, I told you He was a party pooper. A real killjoy. Always Alvin do this, Alvin don't do that, Alvin don't use bad words, Alvin calm down. I mean who died and made Him king? Tell Him I want to see copies of records to how He got elected to office. He sounds like a dictator to me. A wannabe forever ruler. They never last.

Father has to go, but wants to know if you have any final words or comments?

I have one question?

He said, shoot.

Ask Mr. Know-It-All why the world is so screwed up? Seems His programming skills not that great.

“HE SAID, HE DID EVERYTHING PERFECTLY, BUT MAN REFUSED TO LISTEN TO GOD AND WENT THEIR OWN WAY. HE SAID, DON'T WORRY, EVERYONE WHO DISOBEYED HIM, GOING TO HELL.”

Tell Dad, I'm sorry. I was just playing!

He said, He knows, but you better act right and fly straight.

Tell Him, 10-4 good buddy!

He said, Roger, Wilco!

Back to our regularly scheduled program

So what's the moral of this story? Well, our Father really does have a sense of humor, but, too many times people for whatever reason, have deemed themselves Gods on earth. That's plural, because everyone wants to be number one, instead of being the number our Father assigned to us. We all have a number assigned to us. Most, 99.99% don't know what their number is. I know my number.

It's 6001 (That's Six-Zero-Zero-One)

Ciao!

Alvin Mann