Blog Post Fourteen

After creating the universe, the planets, the sun, the moon, the stars, and lastly a place He named Earth, The Grand Poobah decided, wait let me make something in my own image. But alas, I'm spirit, how shall I accomplish this? I ponder for a moment, really it's been 208 years but who's going to know? (No one up here, except me.) It's been 220 years now, let's finish this creation.

“A-la-ka-zam”, Voila!

I'll call him man. Adam! He needs company. Let me open him up, pull out this rib (he’ll grow another one) save me some time and create his companion. All this A-la-ka-zam making me tired. Whoa, she looks like another Adam. Oh well, guess I better do this the right way.

“A-la-ka-zam”. Yeah, that looks good. She'll be woman. A.k.a. Troublemaker, Eve! Okay, she need some boobies.

“Sha-Zam”.

Damn, I'm getting good at this.

After a few hundred million years go by, The Grand Poobah looks at the descendants of His greatest creation. Rose up here with me, her worrisome father keep giving me a hard time. Let me shake him up a bit.

Revelations

Dad?

I knew you was gonna pop yo azz up, and rite about this time. So what He want now?

For you to get your house in order.

Mr. Neat Freak tired of looking at my unkempt apartment? All He has do is “Sha-Zam” and presto, when I wake up, everything is in order. He's The Grand Poobah, He can do anything. So why you coming down so early, I thought you were going to the hairdresser today?

Dad?

Tell me something good!

When I said, get your house in order, I wasn't referring to your residence.

Rose, the only other thing you could be referring to is coming home and I haven't been notified yet.

I'm notifying you now.

Bullshit! Dad would let me know, and I been knowing Him a lot longer than you. You needs to quit playing with me, because I got peeps in heaven, who was there before you.

Dad!

Yes Rose, confession is good for the soul.

Father told me to do that.

I know. He always playing games with me. Just wait, after I dethrone Him and send Him to earth in the human form, He won't be laughing.

Dad, why you always talking crazy?

Because The Big Kahuna always playing games with me. Talking about ask and you shall receive. You know damn well how many times I been asking that dude for some paper, and He still keep me hanging on.

But dad…

But my ass. He got you brainwashed, but that's okay, I'm gonna have fun deprogramming you when I get up there.

Father wants to know…

Bullshit! He already know, He just playing games again. He always playing games. And be talking about when I was a child, I spoke like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. That ring a bell?

1 Corinthians 13:11.

Yes Rose, correct. And no matter how old a person is, Dad always playing games. But, He the parent, He can do that.

Father said…

I heard Him. And yes, He heard me, before I even spoke it. He knew I was gonna do it, before I did. But did He try to stop me? No. Because He always wanna be number one. All the time. You know what Rose?

What dad?

I don't blame Him one bit, because when I dethrone Him, I'm gonna play games all the time. Watch. And you better watch yo step, Miss Hit Woman.

Dad…

Be quiet, I ain't mad at you. You got me a reprieve. I told you Dad a gangster. And peeps think “The Benevolent One” a punk. He tell you what He did to me last time?

Yes dad, He did.

And?

He said you deserved it.

Okay fine, let's move on.

No argument dad?

You know damn well, things I was doing was some terrible shit. Sins of my father, so to speak.

Father says stop blaming that on Adam. It was you and you alone. He knows after what He put you through, you're not going back, are you?

No Rose, I'm not going back.

You know that fool wants you and wants you bad.

Yeah, I know. And He knows his time is rapidly running out.

Satan's number one disciple, huh?

Yep, for a while.

How long dad?

To this day, the longest person who ever served, past, present or future!

For real?

No shit Kiddo. For real.

So dad, you ready to Rock and Roll?

Damn straight. The Grand Poobah gonna hook me up and everybody that stand in my way gonna get mowed down.

Lawnmower Man?

Yep!

Cool, so I got yo back dad.

Cool. We gonna roll and we gonna roll hard.

10-4 good buddy!

Roger Wilco!

Back to our regularly scheduled program

So what's going on here? Well, to all you peeps out there in the world, cyberspace and everywhere else, soon they'll be a new sheriff in town. Actually, for the entire planet. I'm taking away his name and giving him a number. It's 6001.

(That's Six-Zero-Zero-One)

The Big Kahuna