Home, Sweet Home

It appears “All My Children” just want to play. And they all wonder when it's “check in” time at their eternal rest home, instead of Heaven, it's Hell. Most people don't have the slightest clue who I (God) am. And always with the “false praise” and “hypocritical prayers” which amount to nothing more than “putting on airs”. Yes, you bad performers, you need acting lessons! But, that's okay, Satan will accept anyone.

You're not welcome here, so “go away”, but don't go away mad.

Ha, ha!

Your Father

God

Riddle Time: Who is Alvin Mann?

Answer at the bottom of this post. Be patient, read the entire post. My son has a story to tell.

Revelations

Dad.

Yes, Lil Grasshopper?

Father told me He's glad you've decided to officially preach for Him, in your upcoming church.

Actually, I didn't. He's at His best, with His “preprogramming skills”.

So what, you're not happy about it?

I can deal with it, besides, it will keep me out of trouble, which is the whole idea behind this.

What does that mean, I thought preaching was about the word of God?

It is, but this Dude just keeps throwing things at me left and right. I mean, He's got me on these missions all over the planet, and keep throwing extra shit on my plate, talking about, “this should appease your appetite”. In His reasoning, “do these, or else”. The world may know Him as peace, love and understanding, but I personally and on many occasions know Him as the epitome of explaining the definition of, “Love Hurts”.

Dad, what exactly are you saying?

Dad knows I'm more than qualified to preach for Him, but I like calling my own shots, my own way and when I decide to do them. Dad also is aware that I really enjoy breathing unassisted and the continued use of all my body parts, and appreciate the opportunity to confess my sins on a regular basis to Him, in a small attempt to keep using them. I've really become accustomed to them and hopefully, He”ll allow me to keep using them.

Father says, He will consider it, but you had better stay inside that circle, and when you drift outside, which we all know, you already have plans to do, “DON'T GET LOST”.

Tell our Merciful Father, Mucho Gracias!

He said, He knows you are 100% sincere, but you also a good actor, and you better act like you have some sense when dealing with Him in the future.

Tell Dad, thanks and I'll think about all of His constant reminders to keep me in check.

He said, you better or you will be in I.C.U. in “half a heartbeat”.

Tell Dad, “Mucho Gracias”.

So dad, what you got going on?

Trying to keep up with Dad, cause He keeps throwing shit at me, and it's constant and on a regular basis.

Well, we all know you like to stray, so to keep you busy, we had to accommodate you with a certain amount of activities.

I already knew you was all up in this. I said to myself, “I know Rose got her ass, all up in this shit”. And you be in the background saying, Father add this, because we know he likes to stray.

Yes dad, and I know Father is serious, He's got too many things He needs accomplished and if He has to use someone else, other than you, because you're in I.C.U., you'll be slowing down His timeline.

Bullshit! He just like playing games with me. He “Sha-Zammmed” this whole damn universe in a millisecond and He needs me? You know damn well, we all know better.

Father says, you need to start setting a better example.

Tell Him I'll try, but, I'm not God or Jesus and not gonna try to be.

He said, long as you keep “Love Hurts” as a daily mantra, “He said, that's a hint”, you should be okay.

Finally, I think I may have gotten through to Him. I feel somewhat more relaxed. Because Dad on some serious “Guerrilla Warfare” rite now. And He is steaming. Haven't seen Him this mad in a couple hundred years.

He told me. Gotta go, night dad.

Nite Rose. Thanks for the support. Because Dad keep reminding me about I.C.U. and He's not joking.

Later Crocodile Dad-E.

Later Alligator.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

My son, the comedian. Yes, that's the main reason I keep him around, and he knows it, so to all you Earthlings, he's not doing it for you, but for me (God, your Father). I like being entertained, so if you want to get to heaven, you'd better learn to count to seven. Mr. Chuckles will show you. So, you non-believers and gym shoe creepers are in for a rude awakening pretty soon. Peace be unto you.

Your Father

God

Answer to the riddle: My number one student, in everything. You'll find out, soon enough.