As The World (My World) Turns

This is the first, but, not last post of “The Big Kahuna”. Although I'm allowing my son, Alvin Mann to promote me, and it is “ALL ABOUT ME”, he knows should he step too far outside of the circle, he knows exactly what I'll do to him. Don't believe me? Ask him what I did to him, last time he turned his back on me. I bet he won't do it again.

Don't believe me, then believe him, because one day, when he least expects it, he's going to make a public confession, under my orders. You people known as “the human race”, I created you. I hear all your false prayers, in public of course, and smiling faces and show of good will, but when you have at least $50 Billion U.S. Dollars, donate $100 Million and pay about as much taxes as your lowest paid employee, C'mon now, who do you think you are, me? It wouldn't be any you, your company or all of your mansions, yachts, airplanes, and all your other Billionaire Toys without me, so it's probably wise to begin recognizing your Father who gave you all your worldly possessions. Say my name again in vain, and “You Will Pay And Pay Dearly”.

Keep one thing in mind, and I'm going to tell you this once and only once: The Lord, (God, that's me) giveth and He taketh. So far, I've allowed you to keep your goodies. Tell you what, this is for you multi-mega dollar earners, especially those in the upper stratosphere of money making: start passing it (money) around or I'm going to make it disappear. Should that happen, get in contact with my son, Alvin Mann. Who knows, he may put in a good word and I may give it back to you. But you better compensate him nicely, or next time it's going to be more than your material worldly goods that I take away.

Don't play with me, I'm not the one. My son likes jokes, jokers and comedians, which is why I have him working for me. He puts on a good show. Although, I'm alone up here, those who know me, know I'm always there. I'm everywhere. Even with you now.

Boo!

That was me.

Riddle Time: What do you have to do to reach heaven?

Answer at the bottom of this post. Be patient, read the entire post. My son has a story to tell.

Your Father

God

Revelations

Dad?

Speak freak!

Dad?

Yaba-Daba-Doo!

So, you good then?

I'm cool. What He tell you?

That you appeared to be upset about Him being on your website.

That's possibly an understatement, but, I've come to realize, “Father Knows Best”.

So, Father told you that, didn't He?

Actually, I told Him.

Really?

Don't believe me? Ask Him.

He said, you did tell Him that, however, you seem less than enthusiastic about it.

That sounds about rite!

Really?

I mean damn, I'm writing this even though they're His words. He already have the entire universe that's His, and He all up on me. Like que pasa? Can I breathe?

Dad!

I know it's gonna be something I don't want to hear, so say something else.

I'm pregnant dad!

See, now I know you done lost yo mind. You know The Grand Poobah everywhere, you better be cool, or those privileges gonna be cut.

Father's not going to ever cut my privileges with you, no matter what I do or say.

Why is that Miss Kahuna wannabe?

Father and I, are on a special assignment, to keep you out of trouble.

Bullshit!

Dad.

Stop playing with me, or I'm gonna make a phone call. I told you, “I'm plugged”. My peeps upstairs, will give me the lowdown, on yo bullshit.

Make the call, I'll put you on speaker. Who's your contact, I know everyone in heaven.

Why dad, all up on me with you? I mean damn, can't a Father trust His son sometimes?

You heard that, didn't you?

Yeah, but dad didn't mean that, He always playing games with me, why is this any different...

Father going to shower you with so much, so fast, most people would fall under the spell almost instantly. Mostly, Father doesn't want you to corrupt anyone.

Bullshit!

Dad!

Rose, confession is good for the soul. Talk to me!

Father says, “you're full of shit”.

And?

For Him, that's enough.

You gotta do better than that. I mean damn, dad come to me in the womb, scaring me the whole time I was in there. I still remember when I came out, and saw first light. Their was the midwife, wasn't no doctor around at the time. I remember what I said, because, the darkness was gone, and then, there was light.

What did you say dad?

I yelled, “where's the after party” and then everybody got real quiet. I looked around and everyone in that room looked bored, sad and unhappy. I told my mom, I said “mom, let's bounce”. And we out of there, in no time flat.

Dad!

What is it Lil Grasshopper?

Ever wonder why Father, really needs the both of us, on you?

I know exactly why. Dad likes playing games with me.

Dad, you know the real reason. Tell the truth.

Dad knows I'd be into all type of shit, you know it too. He figure I bullshit with you enough, I'll fly straight and do the right thing. He my Father, I'm your father. I have to listen to Him, I don't have to listen to you.

Dad.

Yes, Lil Grasshopper?

First time you step too far out of line, and Father going to cut you some slack, but too far out, that's it.

O-Kee-Dokey Smokey!

Dad, let the audience, those who haven't been to our show before, enlighten them on our Father's favorite phrase.

“Love Hurts”.

So dad, how are you going to glorify our Father's name?

Should I decide to assume the next position of The Big Kahuna, I'll make sure to give the former Kahuna a good sendoff: generous retirement package and at least 50 mansions on earth. That's because when dad retires, He's gonna go downstairs.

Dad!

Yes, Rose dear?

Father was rite, you do put on a good show. But lay off whatever it is, that makes you say things like that.

Rose!

Yes dad.

Dad created me in His image, so what does that tell you about Dad?

Dad.

Yes, lil Grasshopper.

You have the script, it's the Bible. Our Father expects everyone to follow the rules. By the way, the Bible is written in the heart of everyone so there's no excuse for anyone. What do you have to say to that dad?

I'm gonna be me. Period! You and dad can be around me 24hours a day, until I arrive home. I'm gonna be me.

Okay dad, it's all good.

Oh really?

Yes, Father just told me to tell you “Love Hurts”.

Tell dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I was just playing!

He says, He knows and He forgives you. He also said, don't make it a habit. He's currently on the warpath and that you better stay out of His line of fire.

O-Kee-Dokey Smokey!

He said, He’s going to be watching you.

Tell dad, I'm gonna walk a straight line.

He says, He knows, but only because we're watching.

Okay, whatever. But I'm still walking straight.

He said, go with God.

Rose?

Yes dad.

You just heard what dad said, and you wonder where I got my jokes from. He a true comedian, Himself.

Yes, but Father said, you be tripping way too hard, sometimes.

Better too much, than too little.

Okay, but Father on the warpath and you better be cool.

10-4 good buddy. Thanks for the heads up!

Night dad.

Nite Rose.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

Yes, my son does put on a good show, but he’s going to have to get much better. I have some surprises for him. Most are good, some are not. I love all my children exactly the same. Equally. So to all of you out there who don’t know who your heavenly Father is…

You’ll find out soon. Yes, my children, real soon.

Your Father

God

Answer to the riddle: Obey God!