Blog Post Fifteen

Yes, the appointed time is arriving sooner than you all think. I'll send one of my warriors to prepare you for many things to come. He's a tad bit on the nutty side, but he brings joy to me in his tenacious and vigorous exercises to question my love for him. Why he does that is extremely distressing. For some unknown reason, he's got in his warped mind, that I should spare him from pain and suffering.

God doesn't work that way. I test everyone, especially those who work for me. Have to weed out the traitors, haters and wannabe God and Jesus imitators. Yes, my only begotten knucklehead son is faithful, but he's got to go through the fire just like everyone else. I've sent his daughter (in spirit, she's here with me) to keep him out of trouble. You know how you men get at times. Some of you are worse than kids. My son is alright, he's just hard-headed. That's okay, a hard head creates a soft bottom.

Revelations

Dad!

So I know He want something, what is it?

He said, He's gonna be sending you on a mission pretty soon, get ready.

Aaaashhhh!

Dad, yo dude. Why you yelling?

Let me tell you what I did last night.

I think I need to sit down for this. Okay dad, shoot!

I played The Temptations, Get Ready (Here I Come) last nite. I had it on repeat. I mean The Temps my guys, but I listen to a lot of classical and New Age, you know, “to calm me down”.

So you think Father had something to do with that?

Rose, you know damn well, He behind everything. Dad's the ultimate Intelligence Agency (I.A.) And you got this damn Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) I bet they had Dad in mind when they began that shit. But everything, all put together isn't a drop in the ocean of Dad's knowledge. Look at Him, of all the people on this planet, He got me going on some “suicide mission”. And I've been having these dreams, and it's me going home and Dad smiling when I stroll through them pearly gates. I reckon I should have another 10 - 20 years down here, but Dad wanna change the script. That's where this damn mission come in. Talking about He don't want me to get too comfortable. What kind of shit is that? That's not what He ever gonna tell anyone, but He always been after me. I remember being in my mother's womb and a voice said, “I'm gonna get you”. I used to think it was my mom's checking on me. You know, like, “hey you in there, how you doing?” You know how crazy women talk, when they pregnant.

Dad, Father is love, joy, peace, happiness, and eternal life all rolled into one.

My first mission when I get upstairs is to deprogram you, so when them pearly gates open up, you better be the first person I see. You will not be running to me all the time talking about Father said this, and Father said that. Capisce?

Capisce Daddy-O!

One last thing.

Yes dad!

My second mission gonna be to dethrone The Big Kahuna. See how He like it when He down here in the flesh.

Dad!

What?

Why you keep telling me that? Father not gonna let you take over.

Rose!

Yes dad?

He's not gonna have a choice!

Okay dad, what's on your agenda tonight?

I haven't decided, but I'll think of something.

Dad why you playing with me, what you up to?

I'm not playing games. Think I'll do a few paintings tonite, but I think they're going to be a style I don't normally do. Still working on my groove.

Cool. Father says He's going to send you some Benjamins, but no dad, He didn't say when.

That was very good, daughter of mine. Because you know if you left out that last part, I was gonna snap.

Yes dad, I know.

So what you got planned for tonite?

Why you playing games? You know I'm only here in spirit.

Yeah, that's the same thing they say about The Big Kahuna, but He real.

I guess I see your point.

Well, no shit Sherlock. You wanna hang with the big dawg, you better always see the point. Gotta make sure you don't get stuck.

Dad.

What?

You a true comedian, you know that?

Damn rite, I'm a true comedian. A natural. Better than that big head guy upstairs. Always playing games, but you wait, one day I'm gonna “Cook His Goose”. Wait and see.

Father was right about you.

Okay Rose, shoot.

Father said, you not playing with a full deck.

True dat!

So you agree?

I agree to agree.

Dad.

What?

What does that mean? It doesn't make any sense.

Bullshit. It makes plenty sense to me. You figure out the rest, you the one with them super powers. Any of you upstairs can come and visit down here, then go back. But no one down here can visit heaven, then return to earth.

Dad.

What?

Why you tripping tonight?

Rose.

Yes dad?

Tonite, to me is like any other nite

Clarify please.

Bullshiting is what I do. You have different types of national pastimes: baseball supposed to be the original pastime in the U.S., but there's football, basketball, soccer and hockey.

What's your point dad?

My national pastime is “bullshiting”.

Ahhhhhhh, dad I knew you was gonna say that.

You liked how I was building up to that, don't you?

Yeah dad, you be tripping.

Damn straight and if you or anyone else wanna trip, bring plenty of luggage. Cause I'm gonna take you on a nice long ride.

Dude, you the real deal.

Damn rite I am.

Getting ready to raise up dad.

O-Kee-Dokey Smokey. Tell The Big Kahuna, to keep an eye on that clock of His, ‘cause one day, it's gonna stop and when I hit them pearly gates, He better be standing there. When I walk in, He's walking out. It will be hi & bye. No formalities, no handshakes, no backslapping and no fist bumps. The quickest transfer of power known to exist if all goes well, and it should. I been working on this for over 30 years. The whole process should last about 1.9 seconds. Got it?

10-4 good buddy.

Later Alligator.

Afterwhile Crocodile Dad-E!

Back to our regularly scheduled program

And so I am preparing my son to go on his mission. Still he harbors ill will towards his father in heaven. Oh well, he knows all too well how his father operates. Love hurts, is more than just a phrase I use. He'll find out again and again and again. You see, to reach heaven, you must go through fire. All of your impurities have to be eliminated, thus fire. He knows that and he'll be prepared for it. So to the world, cyberspace and everyone else, this applies to you as well.

Peace to you all.

The Big Kahuna