Blog Post Sixteen

As it gets closer to the time I send my warriors out for battle, they must prepare themselves for the possibility that once on the battlefield, it may be the last time. No returning back from which they came. My warriors are all “battle-tested”, so yes, they're prepared not just for the earthly battle, but to come home victorious to me.

They'll have their own mansions here in heaven. As far as the eye can see, an endless array of mansions. All are called, however, few arrive. For some reason, people don't want to let go of their worldly possessions. You can't take it to either hell and definitely not heaven. Give your heart to me, and I guarantee, I'll fill it and everything around you. Yes, your cup will overflow.

Intermission: Time out for my problem child.

Revelations

Dad, what's up?

Chicken butt!

I knew there was a reason Father told me to come see you right away. So dude, what's the deal?

Rose!

Yes, dad?

From here on out, and until I arrive in heaven to deprogram you, it's probably a good idea to recognize, I am not the one. Capisce?

Capisce Daddy-O!

So, what it is?

Father said, you need to get your ass in gear!

Rose, that's the second time you've told me the exact same thing about Dad.

And just like the last time, you don't believe me, ask Him.

I mean damn, where He be getting them angel pillows from? I thought you supposed to get a good nite's sleep with them. You best probably make sure I have at least three dozen when I hit them pearly gates. None of those that's gonna make me toss and turn all nite and wake up a crank, like Mr. You-Know-Who.

Dad?

Yes, Rose?

Why you always tripping?

Rose!

Yes, dad!

That's what I do, besides bullshiting, it's all I do. Morning, noon and nite.

Really?

Stop bullshiting. You know damn well, since your arrival to heaven, that's what I do.

Dad…

Be quiet, cause I got peeps up there, who were there long before you. Remember me telling you that?

Yes, dad.

Check this out.

Let me sit down dad.

Go rite ahead.

Okay dad, I'm ready.

I've had at least 50 peeps (that's five-O) tell me soon as they got to heaven and after check-in, orientation and a few words from The Big Kahuna, next stop was to find out about me. So yes, Lil Grasshopper, I know damn well you know how I roll.

So dad, clarify for me. Break it down to it's lowest denomination.

Rose!

Yes dad!

I'm full of shit and everybody knows it.

Oh!

That's all you got to say?

I thought there was more.

Check this out.

Hit me dad!

My shit is real. I walk it, I talk it. I've done lived it and will continue to live it. Peeps be talking that crazy shit, but can't back it up. I can back up my shit talking. You and The Big Kahuna already know that. And all them others in my house upstairs know it. You heard me rookie! Earth is not my home, this just temporary. I'm a visitor here, I am not from this world. My home is heaven, but I'm sure Dad told you that already. I'm a big dawg. Peeps who hang with me are big dawgs or we don't hang.

Peeps who know me, know I'm a lone wolf. There's a reason for that. I don't trust most peeps and I used to ignore my own better sense and associate with peeps who I really shouldn't have given the time of day to. No mas! I stay away from bullshit. I'm full of shit, but my shit is real. Capisce?

Aaaashhhh! That's what I'm talking about. Father told me you was a psycho, that's one of your aliases isn't it?

Yes Rose, one of many that I have.

Father said, He gonna send some Benjamins your way real soon, just be patient.

Rose!

Yes dad?

See that's what I be telling you. The Grand Poobah can do anything, at anytime and anywhere. He could've had a bag a money for me, before I asked for it. But He didn't because He didn't want to. I got something else to tell you, what your schedule look like?

Dad, I got time. Lay it on me.

Check it out, this about The Big Kahuna. I figured out what He been doing…….. You hear that?

Yeah, Father said, about time.

Okay, let me continue. Mr. Molasses been holding out on me, because He figure before He hit me up with some cash, for me to do a little something first. You know I've been off work for 19 months now. I had to bounce from my last gig: COVID-19 every damn where, tousling with them homeless peeps on my security gig and I did have a opportunity pop-up that I knew was a shoe-in, but it didn't pan out. No probs. Anyways, I been dragging ass a little bit too long, and Dad just let me know recently that when I step up my game, He gonna throw all type of money my way.

Dad!

I know you got something crazy, I hear it in your voice, but shoot.

I would've told you that a long time ago, but Father said to me, “don't tell him anything”.

Really?

Sorry dad, I was under orders.

No probs. You wanna hear something funny?

For sure, something tells me this going to be good. I got you on speaker dad, everyone in heaven wants to hear this.

So what's up with that? Wait a minute, Dad behind this isn't He?

Yep!

Okay, it's cool. You ready?

You're on speaker dad, shoot!

I've decided to let The Grand Poobah, keep His position. I really don't know why I'm doing this and I truly hope I don't regret it down the line. However, Dad you listen up real good. I know Jesus next in line, then Adam, afterwards Eve. You know I'm next after mom, so I know none of them want it, so if and when you get tired, bored, fed-up or whatever, keep me in mind. Also keep in mind, everything I said about making them pit stops down here and them women, mansions and babies was true. So if I get in and fill your shoes, it's gonna be a whole new ballgame. That's rite. I'm gonna create a whole new brand of Original Gangster. Out with the Dad and in with me. So how was that?

Father said, you be tripping way too hard.

Bullshit! I trip just the way He programmed me to be. And I ain't gonna change, one iota, and He knows it and cool with it. What that tell you?

Dad!

Yes Rose?

You the real deal.

Yeah, that's what I tell myself all the time. So what I get this time?

A+

No shit? What category?

Comedy!

See, that's what I keep telling you, Dad don't need to be setting this up. The category supposed to be drama.

Father said, maybe next time. He said, He was laughing too hard to put you in any other category.

Okay, whatever!

Dad, everyone loved your performance tonight.

Really?

Yep, everyone had popcorn!

Really? What about you?

Oh, they saved some for me.

No shit?

I got a big five gallon bucket when I get back.

Cool.

Night dad, love and kisses. Muuuah!

Nite Rose, back at cha!

Back to our regularly scheduled program

My son finally getting the hang of this. Yes, it's about time. Soon the entire planet will know him. But it's not about him, it's about the one who sent him. And the one who sent him is me: The Grand Poobah, Mr. Know-It-All, The Big Kahuna, The Benevolent One, The Omnipotent One and the best name I've ever been called and only one person (Alvin Mann) I allow to get away with it: Dad. Yes, when he calls me that, it always brings me joy. Most people know me as God, but that's good enough. There's a time for everything. The appointed time is coming soon, and my warriors are going to lead the charge.

So to the world, cyberspace and everyone else, prepare yourselves.

Peace unto you!

The Big Kahuna