The Time Has Come (For Fun)

Do you want to play a game,

What is my name?

I'm always here for you all,

Pick up the phone and call.

Everyone wants to be number one,

Never working, it's all for fun.

I keep looking for a good example,

All I see, are the same old samples.

In heaven, you all want to get in,

It'll never happen, because all you do is sin.

What must your Father in heaven do,

I'm only trying to get through to you.

If anyone really wants to know about me,

And really hope to one day be free,

You must discover my name,

However, you must play my game.

God (that's me) is the only one that rules,

One day, you'll find out, at the end of school,

Then we'll see who's the ultimate fool.

Those in heaven, know how to count to seven,

To reach the rest of the faithful brethren.

Tick, Tock. Look at the clock.

Watch. It will eventually stop.

TICK, TOCK

Your Father

God

Riddle Time: Do you truly want to go to heaven, so how will you attain it?

Answer at the bottom of this post. Be patient, read the entire post. My son has a story to tell.

Revelations

Dad.

Lil Grasshopper, so what is Our Father, who art in heaven, and Spain, and Australia, and France up to now?

So, you figured it out? Father said, about time.

Well, we'll see what He has in store for me, besides being His Personal Biographer.

Oh, He told you about that, huh?

Not exactly, but you know His spirit moves in mysterious ways. I'm minding my own business and He in and out of my body in a millisecond and next thing I know, I'm supposed to be writing books about Him for the rest of my life. I mean, like damn, I'm not Mickey Spillane. He's like no, but I need something to keep my mind off Satan. I finally had to explain to Him once and for all how to do that…

'Sha-Zam”!

Oh, He told you about that huh?

Yes dad, Father tells me all about the crazy stuff you be saying, doing and not doing.

Oh, so now He wanna be on my ass about my not painting, huh? The Big Kahuna all on me, I don't have time for painting. This writing all His shit is worrisome. He all the time, changing the script on me, talking about “He gotta keep me on my toes”. Bullshit! He just like playing “Head Games” and never want to let me sleep. I was up to 6am because He wanted to talk to me. About this upcoming mission, of course.

He told me, you're starting to become a very good listener.

Actually, I don't have a choice and believe me, I wouldn't otherwise and He knows it. I also like breathing unassisted and I know when Dad gets in moods like this to stay out of His line of fire, do exactly what He says to the letter and tell good jokes. Then, it's a slight possibility, He may have mercy on me.

Dad, you did abandon Him and go work for the enemy.

I came back and am totally committed now, so what's yo damn point?

I'm just the messenger, talk to Father if you want more insight on the subject.

Thanks, but no thanks. Sourpuss will never, ever let me forget about it. All He had to do was “Sha-Zammmed” it like it never happened. The hell with that, you can never win with Him anyway. He always wins and never loses and I always have to be the one to play, “His Head Games”. Everyone plays, but He always gotta throw me “the worst shit”. Give me a mission, tell me to take care of it, then “Poof', He gone. You know it's true. He pull this shit on me all the time, and the worst part is, He always intentionally trip me up to see how good I am. This keeping me on my toes shit is getting to be boring.

You heard that, didn't you dad?

Yeah, He gonna give more because He thinks I need the practice. Bullshit! He just like to see me jumping through His hoops, like we at Barnum and Bailey's Three Ring Circus.

You heard that didn't you, dad?

Yeah, I'll never retire because then He'll know I'm definitely going to get into something.

So what you going to do tonight dad?

I was planning on sleeping, but it appears Ernest Hemingway also need His Personal Stenographer to work odd hours, whenever He says go, I got to go. He don't never want to say stop, go chill. I mean damn, what about a break? A damn timeout would be nice.

Father says, we all know, you always up to something.

Look, He made me, preprogrammed me to do all this shit. You both know it. You in heaven, so I guess you know how to count to seven.

Dad, Father says, we all know you need someone watching you all the time to keep you out of trouble.

Bullshit! I'm my own judge and jury. Why come He just can't leave me alone for a damn millisecond and get a timeout. What so damn bad about that?

Dad.

What?

He said, we all know better, especially you and all your peeps in heaven know it too.

Damn, the secret is out. What do I do?

Father says, when you go outside of the circle, “DON'T GET LOST”.

All caps and quotation marks. Tell Dad, I get His drift and I'll make sure not to stray too far and keep Satan very far away and that my Father has my soul, and I'm hooked, with a piece of your metal forever embedded in my lip. How's that Dad? Can you cut me a bit of slack, while I'm giving all the praise to “Your Majesty”.

Father says, you need better material, you're not funny.

Tell David Letterman, the studio has canceled His contract and I'm in, effective September 2022. And don't take any furniture out, because I don't plan on upgrading. I hear they have top of the line furnishing and only hire the best, which is why, He's out and I'm in.

Father says, you're very entertaining tonight. Keep up the good work

Bullshit! He just wants to keep me thinking about Him, 24 hours a day, all day for eternity. What about a damn timeout?

Father says, the last time He took His eyes off you because you claimed you could be trusted, you decided to seek employment elsewhere. He says, we all know you're not going to do that again, are you?

We all know I'm not, because I like breathing unassisted and I truly have become accustomed to having all my body parts.

Father says, one day after this mission is completed successfully, He may consider it. He also has one other very small reminder, dad.

Yes, I'm listening.

He said, “Love Hurts”!

Tell Dad, l'll make sure to pass the love around when I get the chance and make this world a better place.

He said, make sure you do that. You can now go out and play, but don't get lost.

Tell Dad, Thanks.

Night dad.

Nite Rose.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

My son really is the best I've ever had, other than Jesus and Adam, but like Mr. Chuckles said, they are in a category all by themselves. No, Mini-Me is proving to be more proficient at taking orders, but he will forever “have a very brick-like hard head”. And he is also correct, I did program him that way. He is “The Best of the Best”, which is why I have to watch him all the time. But, he knows that already. He knows, I have to keep constant tabs on him. You'd better do the same. (That's a hint.)

Now, for the rest of the world, it's probably best you start immediately, because within 24 hours of this posting, “Planet Earth Is Going To Shake”.

Ha, ha!

Your Father

God

Answer to the riddle: Obey God. However, most of you won't ever arrive. You don't play by the rules, (obey God) so Satan has plenty of available rooms. Have a good time in eternity!